Looking Glass

“People think that when something goes “wrong”, it’s their fault. If only they had done something differently. But sometimes things go wrong to teach you what is right.”

~ Alice Walker

I don’t like to get too personal in my writings, but sometimes it is just too impossible to avoid. I feel like I have fallen down a rabbit hole chasing my realities just to wake up and find that things are nothing as they seem. My insides are twisted into a knot of anger, failure, and sadness. How easy it is to be consumed by rejection and unable/unwilling to crawl out of that abandoned little rabbit hole.

People are put in circles, these circles are what I like to call “support”. Different people are able to support each other in individual ways. Certain people in that circle are foundational, meaning that even though there will be cracks and uneven times, they will always be there. So what happens when the unbreakable foundation has fallen apart? You instantly point the finger at yourself. What have I done, and what can I change to put everything back the way it was.

Well, once the self-destruction has subsided, you put your big-girl panties on and say ok, I can do this. What can I gain from this. The people who truly see you for who you are and continue to love and appreciate you as is…that is your true circle. It may even be someone who you wouldn’t have considered to still be standing by your side.

So, maybe this wonderland that I have found myself aimlessly trying to escape is a filter of time. A painful realization of who is good for me and who is not. Maybe I have been putting too much of my time, effort, and love in the wrong things. And maybe I should be a lot more careful in whom I surround myself with. Shame on me for compromising who I am to try to force happiness into something that just isn’t. And shame on those who made me believe it could happen.

No one has to change to be accepted by someone else. The failure is that you allowed yourself to think otherwise. You were made to be exactly who you are, there are great pieces and not so great pieces, but there are people out there who will cherish YOU…no changes needed.

from 2010

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