“The Lord your God is in your midst,
A mighty one who will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness;
He will quiet you by His love;
He will exult over you with loud singing.”
Zephaniah 3:12 ESV
I have continued struggling with doubts and insecurities in relationships with family, friends and co-workers. I find myself in fear of abandonment and I become consumed with trying to control what I cannot, justifying my pattern of leaving before they can leave me.
I realize that I hold others accountable for circumstances that they had nothing to do with. Why do I do this? They are not responsible for my past rejections. I create and receive inaccurate intentions – hearing something worse than what they actually said or did.
So, how can I allow myself to be vulnerable without fearing the worst, constantly questioning if these relationships are genuine and that maybe they don’t intentionally want to break what is already broken. Maybe I have been lying to myself all along believing that I have dealt with my past and maybe my habits cannot be considered healing coping skills.
The truth is, and I must continue to tell myself, that my identity is not made of my past. I am already loved by the One who created me – and this is where my identity resides. Reminding myself of this, every day, will begin the real healing. I was seeking reassurance from everyone but the only One who can provide it, setting myself up for failure from the beginning.
I am loved! Without question, without hesitation and without conditions…I am loved.
love > fear