“I think that in order to survive, there’s this concept of having bulletproof skin.”

~ Gavin Rossdale

There are days that I wish I was bulletproof, and then days I am so grateful that I am not.  I think that becoming bulletproof protects you from so much more than just bullets.

The hard days, the days that I wish I could be bulletproof, are the days that leave me completely beat.  When you think you will never get a step ahead because there is always something or someone waiting there to push you back.  Words that someone carelessly threw out of their mouth that stabbed you in the heart, or just getting trampled on by the negativity that this world relies on.

Fortunately, not all days are bad!  There are good days too.  The days that you are thankful that the emotions, words, and everything along the way can sink their way into the center of your soul, and you want to hold on to them so tightly that it’s impossible to breathe!  Like waking up to two little girls who come straight to me in the morning with hugs and smiles, a husband who accepts me as a whole package, good and a lot of bad, and couldn’t think of anyone more beautiful inside and out (or so he says!), knowing that all the good people in your life out-weigh the bad.  These are the days I am thankful that my skin, heart, and soul are not bulletproof.  These are the days that make me better, that give me hope that it will always continue to get better.

So I think I will stay in the gray.  I cannot tell when the days will be good or bad, I wish even more that I could control when and how they occur!  So I need to work on being able to become bulletproof on the bad days, and work harder to not be bulletproof on the good days.  It doesn’t have to be permanent, it’s just hard to not be guarded 100% of the time.  But I can’t imagine what I could be missing out on otherwise.

3/28/2010