“A lot of people don’t realize that depression is an illness. I don’t wish it on anyone, but if they would know how it feels, I swear they would think twice before they just shrug it.”

~ Jonathan Davis

It was a bad day today…my doctor appointment was crap.  It was brought to my attention, which I really didn’t need to be told, that my depression was back with a vengeance.  I guess the first sign should have been that I was writing again.  It seems to be what gets me through my days.  Like the perfect poem or the perfect sentence will make it better!

I grew up in a family that doesn’t understand it, I married a man who doesn’t understand it, hell I really don’t understand it myself.  I only wish I knew how to fix it.  The saddest part is I want happiness, and I want to be loved, I want to accept and allow the people who do love me to do just that.  But when the darkness creeps in, everything comes with doubt, and in fact you don’t feel loved at all.

The illness with no face value, because it can be hidden.  Some people would never know unless they read this, it’s not really something you advertise.  You might be looked at differently if people know.  But I would want to know if one of my friends or family members suffered from this, just so I could tell them that I love them and it’s okay.  Because today I don’t feel like it is.

9/30/2010