“And now my life ebbs; days of suffering grip me. 
Night pierces my bones; my gnawing pain never rest.
In His great power God becomes like clothing to me;
He binds me like the neck of my garment.
He throws me into the mud, and I am reduced to dust and ashes.

I cry out to You, God, but you do not answer;
I stand up, but you do merely look at me.
You turn on me ruthlessly; with the might of your hand you attack me.
You snatch me up and drive me before the wind;
You toss me about in the storm.
I know you will bring me down to death
to the place appointed for all the living.

Surely no one lays a hand on those who are crushed
when they cry for help in their distress.
Have I not wept for those in trouble?
Has not my soul grieved for the poor?
Yet when I hoped for good, evil came;
when I looked for light, then came the darkness.

The churning inside me never stops;
days of suffering confront me.
I go about blackened, but not by the sun;
I stand up in the assembly and cry for help;
I have become a brother of jackals,
a companion of owls.
My skin grows black and peels;
my body burns with fever.
My lyre is tuned to mourning,
and my pipe to the sounds of wailing.”

~ Job 30:16-31

As I lay in bed tonight, flipping mindlessly through the outlets that I’ve tirelessly attempted to just make things better.  And the only thing that came to me was my bible.  When was the last time I got that dusty old thing out?!  Well this is what it brought to me, the beginning and ending to today’s blog.

I realize how long people have suffered and that they weren’t alone then nor am I alone now.  I suffer because I should not feel alone by the people God placed in my life, but sometimes that always doesn’t work out.  I focus on the ones that I feel are in my life out of obligation instead of focusing on the ones that would do anything for me and  love me endlessly.  I cry out to God wondering why my prayers aren’t answered, and I have to accept that maybe they are not supposed to be answered for a reason I may never understand.

I have to get through this just has an uncountable number of people have before and will after me.  So I shall pray for strength to endure the journey and stop asking why or how long the storm will last; pray that His purpose is not lost in me.

“How long Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
and my enemies will say “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for He has been good to me.”

~Psalm 13

10/15/2010