“We all have a tendency to obscure the forest of simple joys with the trees of problems.”

~ Christiane Collange

I get so frustrated with myself on days like today.  Full of worry, and nowhere to put it all.  No one to just lay the answers right out there for me to figure it all out.  Some days I almost feel as if I am moving backwards, maybe because I did make a wrong decision.  Feeling sad because I hold myself hostage because of other decisions.  What is right, what is wrong, or is there really an answer at all?!

Not only do people tell me, but I also see for myself the wonderful things that surround me.  These things are probably what people concentrate on mostly through life, the things that make you grateful for life.  But somehow, the roots from these trees of problems start to trip me on my way and once I stumble it takes a lot for me to get back up and going.

I worry, too much probably.  I worry about what others think of me, and about what others “think” I should do.  For once, I just want to be able to believe in myself enough to make my own decisions and run with it without tripping, without looking back with doubt.  Feeling the freedom under my feet and never stopping.  I don’t want the worry or the sadness anymore, I wish those around me understood me a little bit more.  I don’t mean for the dark days to affect them the way that it does.  I can apologize, but it doesn’t change anything.

I must start the change within me, and the answers will probably not be laid out for me.  So days like today are trial and error days, the days that I trip on the roots of the trees.  Just help me get back up, that will give me the strength to take another step forward.  I must believe that those who truly love me will still be waiting for me once I make it out of  the forest.

5/10/2010