Friends

Posted on May 25, 2017 by Kristie Bueno

“A good friend is a connection to life – a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.”

~ Lois Wyse

Some days, when you least expect it, you get a phone call that reminds you that you are still connected.  That even though your circle of friends may be what it is – those friends are yours.  They love you and support you in ways that no one else does.  And what joy that can bring to your heart.

So few people from my past have I been able to bring forward and continue to know that our friendship is true.  And the friends that I have now, I have no doubt that the friendship and connection will be for a lifetime.

They are my sanity, they are my validation, they are my friends!

xoxo

4/10/2010

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Resilient

Posted on May 25, 2017 by Kristie Bueno

“We all carry within us: supreme strength, the fullness of wisdom, unquenchable joy.  It is never thwarted, and cannot be destroyed.”

~ Huston Smith

I found this quote and it reminded me how often I get overwhelmed and discouraged, and it also reminded me that we all have inside of us what it takes to overcome those things.  Life is tough, always throwing curve balls when you least expect it.  When we think things are going smoothly and great, that’s when we should be ready for something to come along and knock us off our feet.

But it doesn’t have to be the end of the world.  We have within us the strength, wisdom, and joy to become resilient.  We can choose to overcome and bounce back.  It’s all within us, it’s not for anyone else to decide!

So I think I will keep this quote with me, because it is quite easily for me to get to that place of overwhelming discouragement.  And I will let this continue to remind me in those times that there is nothing that I cannot handle, nothing I cannot overcome.  I am resilient and in control!

4/9/2010

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Simplicity

Posted on May 25, 2017 by Kristie Bueno

“Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content.”

~ Helen Keller

I am starting to find my way.  I am still standing with much chaos around me, but now I find moments that catch my attention.  It’s okay to have expectations, but more importantly to not set them to a level so high that disappointment will be the only outcome.  I can’t control other people’s actions or words, and I have learned that I will always be disappointed if I only accept what I expect of them.

I am learning to focus on different aspects of my life.  Instead of dwelling on the negative (and again uncontrollable) things and “people” in my life, I dive into the more positive and loving people in my life.  I have taken up skating with my daughter.  I cannot tell you how much concentration and effort this hobby takes!  But it is full of rewards.  It is time spent with her that takes time away from the darkness.  And who couldn’t use a little exercise?!

This past weekend, my husband and I had a date!  It was simple but wonderful.  Just to be able to have a meal together and talk together without any distraction was delightful.  I think prioritizing time for our relationship will help me focus on the more positive things in life.  And spending more time with him, means laughing so much more.  He has always known how to make me smile.

I have been sure to make time to read before bed each night.  This is another hobby I really enjoy.  I found that when I was more upset, I wasn’t making time to do the things that I have always enjoyed doing.  Again, I think I am just not allowing myself time to think about the negative anymore, there are so many better things to be doing.

So this journey continues, day by day, looking in front of me instead of behind me!

sim·plic·i·ty (noun):
freedom from complexity

4/5/2010

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Bulletproof

Posted on May 25, 2017 by Kristie Bueno

“I think that in order to survive, there’s this concept of having bulletproof skin.”

~ Gavin Rossdale

There are days that I wish I was bulletproof, and then days I am so grateful that I am not.  I think that becoming bulletproof protects you from so much more than just bullets.

The hard days, the days that I wish I could be bulletproof, are the days that leave me completely beat.  When you think you will never get a step ahead because there is always something or someone waiting there to push you back.  Words that someone carelessly threw out of their mouth that stabbed you in the heart, or just getting trampled on by the negativity that this world relies on.

Fortunately, not all days are bad!  There are good days too.  The days that you are thankful that the emotions, words, and everything along the way can sink their way into the center of your soul, and you want to hold on to them so tightly that it’s impossible to breathe!  Like waking up to two little girls who come straight to me in the morning with hugs and smiles, a husband who accepts me as a whole package, good and a lot of bad, and couldn’t think of anyone more beautiful inside and out (or so he says!), knowing that all the good people in your life out-weigh the bad.  These are the days I am thankful that my skin, heart, and soul are not bulletproof.  These are the days that make me better, that give me hope that it will always continue to get better.

So I think I will stay in the gray.  I cannot tell when the days will be good or bad, I wish even more that I could control when and how they occur!  So I need to work on being able to become bulletproof on the bad days, and work harder to not be bulletproof on the good days.  It doesn’t have to be permanent, it’s just hard to not be guarded 100% of the time.  But I can’t imagine what I could be missing out on otherwise.

3/28/2010

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Broken

Posted on May 25, 2017 by Kristie Bueno

alone with so much around
so much chaos without a sound

my heart unable to speak
the words you continue to seek

you cannot reach me to help me down
my toes will never touch the ground

our worlds are different now
you may never be able to see how

i am broken, you see
there is nothing that can fix me

the darkness comes and goes
but it’s the only comfort that I know

my drug of choice
that has no voice

it swallows me whole
and empties my soul

i try to escape the pain
but it will always find me again

so i apologize and thank you
in the same breath, it’s true

for your love for me sees me through
to another day to start anew

~ Kristie Bueno

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Valley of Ashes

Posted on May 25, 2017 by Kristie Bueno

“This is a valley of ashes—a fantastic farm where ashes grow like wheat into ridges and hills and grotesque gardens; where ashes take the forms of houses and chimneys and rising smoke and, finally, with a transcendent effort, of men who move dimly and already crumbling through the powdery air.”

~ F. Scott Fitzgerald (The Great Gatsby)

Well, if you are looking for a positive uplifting inspiration….this isn’t going to be it. Today was not that day. The sad thing is I cannot pinpoint it on anything in particular. There was nothing extraordinary, nothing horrible…just nothing. I wanted the day to be good, but somehow the darkness took over today. I just can’t figure out how it happens.

I know that there are people who care about me and my well-being, but for some reason my mind can only concentrate on those who could careless. So in finding this quote, I couldn’t help but relate to it so perfectly. Today I am in the valley of ashes. The air that surrounds me is not clear enough to see anything around me. I cannot look for anyone that may or may not be around, and I definitely cannot see if anyone is looking for me.

I was told to be prepared for days like today, but no idea how to “snap” back to where I am supposed to be. It makes me more sad to know that I frustrate the people who really do love me, that I don’t allow them to comfort me in these times. I know that I made decisions I felt that were required for me to move forward, but that does not mean that my heart stops beating for the people I had to let go. What’s stopping my heart from beating is that they don’t miss me, they aren’t fighting for me, I have been let go too.

Maybe this valley of ashes is more of a reality than I thought. Some days are just clearer than others, and on days like today, the ash can take form into anything that will cause me to crumble through the powdery air.

3/2122010

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Unspoken

Posted on May 25, 2017 by Kristie Bueno

“For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.”

~ Judy Garland

If you had to answer the question who was most influential in your life, it may be very easy for you to answer. It might be one person, or a few. I know that throughout my life, the list has been added to, and taken away from. I don’t “let” very many people in, but when I do they mean everything to me. Any piece of advice or words of wisdom they have for me stays with me waiting for the right moment that I need it.

And those people stay with me as well, it might be how they choose to live their lives, their work ethics, principles and values, well the list could go on and on. It’s not always in the big things either, sometimes the smallest word or emotion means more than everything else. These things truly touch my heart and make a mark onto my soul. I don’t take relationships with people lightly, and sadly sometimes, those relationships live their cycle and have to come to an end.

When life happens, as it always will, it is my heart that breaks the hardest. Someone that at one time could have been a positive influence can change into the exact opposite, it may not have anything to do with you personally, but regardless your heart tells you what you don’t want to hear.

So turn the tables…where am I in all this? Who do I influence? Is it positive, negative, inspirational? Am I starting that relationship or ending it? Are the words that come out of my mouth, the ones that I want to be remembered by? Will the decisions that I make today, be the same ones that I am proud of a little further down the road? It’s a lot to think about, but just an extra moment before the words or the action can make all the difference.

3/212010

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Love

Posted on May 25, 2017 by Kristie Bueno

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.”
 
~ Helen Keller

So my day started out by receiving a text from my daughter! It was a picture of two stick figures, one looking down and handing the other its heart. The saying was, “It’s not much…but it’s all I have”. She had received it from one of her friends, and she said that she sent it to me right away. I thanked her for thinking of me, and she responded with, “I will always think of you”.

Maybe it’s in these times that we are gifted with moments that we know will never leave our hearts for all of eterinity. Little reminders that we are loved too. My focus is to make sure that the people that surround me know how much I love and care for them. When given the opportunity to receive it back, especially from my 8-year-old daughter, there is nothing, absolutely nothing in this world that can beat that!

My daughter’s message means so much more than what she realizes. Because all we really can offer each other is our heart. It’s the one true thing that is us. But we need to not apologize for it not being enough and start to realize that it really is so much more than we give it credit for.

from 2010

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Purpose

Posted on May 25, 2017 by Kristie Bueno

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

~ Maria Robinson

I am a true believer that things happen for a reason. The hardest part of it, is waiting to find what the reasoning is…if you actually find out at all. There are those that say hard times make you stronger, but you have to want them to make you stronger. In some cases, you will never understand the why’s, because the instant the “thing” happened might be the moment in which it prevented something horrible from happening, in which case you will never know it.

I like to think that some people take the challenging times that life hands them to help others who will follow the same journey as them. There are souls that walk this earth that have no one to turn to, no one to lead their way, no one to tell them that there is a way to get through it. No one to be honest with them, to warn them that it might get harder before it gets better. The test is continuing the fight, and the end result is being a survivor.

You have to want a purpose, something to survive for, a reason to keep fighting. Only you can truly know what that purpose is. Concentrating on that alone, gets me through not knowing the why’s. Not having the answers to so many questions. So it goes back to knowing that I cannot control what others will do or say to me, but I can control how I react and how I let it affect me.

Why give someone the satisfaction of watching you fall? Be proud of what this life has made of you, you cannot do anything about what has happened in the past. You must choose to start living this moment for a better tomorrow. So head up, walk tall, and smile to all those that cross your path. You might just be the person to make a difference to them when no one else would.

from 2010

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Grace

Posted on May 25, 2017 by Kristie Bueno

“His grace is great enough to meet the great things – the crashing waves that overwhelm the soul, the roaring winds that leave us stunned and breathless, the sudden storms beyond our life’s control.”

~ Annie Johnson Flint

There are moments that sometimes turn into days that sometimes turn into weeks that you stumble into not knowing how you are going to survive. Wondering why me…wondering when the strength that once consumed you faded into a shadow that slowly follows you and mimics your every movement. However, it reminds you of what once was and just maybe what could be again. How can one decision alter the outcome of each step to come? Where do the answers hide? Is today the day…is it too late? When did doubt takeover the confidence? It all overwhelms your mind, your soul, and your life…until you remember. You remember that the light still shines upon you, that peace was seeded into your heart and sealed with His love. There is nothing that can beat you, there is nothing that cannot be restored, for you are loved like no other.

from 2010

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